One wish

A man caught a fish, and as he was removing it from the hook it began to speak. “Look, I'm going to be straightforward with you. You can let me go right now and receive a wish. But just so you know, I'm not like those genies in bottles…I grant only one wish and you better pick wisely, because sometimes people are better off without their wishes.” The man thought for some time, and decided to go with the safest wish he could think of: to be a prince. He let the fish go and went home. When he woke up the next morning he was in a palace bedroom with a servant bringing him breakfast in bed. When he was done eating he went to get dressed and in the closet hung the finest clothing he’d ever seen in his life, and when the valet asked him what he would like to wear he had a hard time deciding – it was all so wonderful. When he was dressed he went downstairs to the morning room for breakfast where a string quartet was playing beautiful music and the lovely woman who was his wife was waiting for him. She walked over, kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear, “Ferdinand, don’t forget, today we’re going to Sarajevo.”

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funny dad jokes

1. An upset mother asked her doctor what was the status of her son who had swallowed a quarter.

And the doctor said, "No change yet!"

2. My kids were pretending to be the national symbol of Canada.

They’re just playing maple leaf.

3. What's the difference between being hungry and horney?

The place where you stick the cucumber

4. What does a clone say to acknowledge the receipt of a command?

Copy that.

5. I met a gay couple who were both mathematicians

I wonder who the denominator of the two is.

6. A man and a woman were out on a first date together.

Everything was going great and they were getting along really well, when out of nowhere the woman commented on the size of the man’s hands and feet. "I didn't notice earlier, but you have remarkably small hands and feet!" The man taken aback by such an unexpected observation thought quickly and replied somewhat flirtatiously, "Well, it’s because my testosterone focused on other parts of my body, if you know what I mean..." giving the woman a cheeky wink as he finished speaking. The woman, rather impressed and turned on by his smooth response slides across closer to the man and puts her hand on his thigh, at which point the guy continued, "Yeah, I have a really hairy back."

7. My neighbor made it to the Top 20 on American Idol, but was later disqualified.

It really sucks to make a difficult cut only to be kicked out later. I should know, the same thing happened to me when I converted to Judaism.

8. What kind of tea does the sad man want?

Pity.

9. I can’t concentrate for long enough to properly draw an ellipse.

I always seem to lose focus.

10. A woman was going to church, but her car unexpectedly broke down, so she called an Uber.

When the Uber arrived she got into the car and, deciding to make small talk, she asked the driver a question, but he didn’t answer. Curiously, she tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention and he let out a blood curdling scream. He jerked the car to the shoulder of the road and the car came to a hard stop as he slammed on the brakes. They both gasped in shock from what just happened. The woman caught her breath and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that touching you on the shoulder would scare you.” The driver replied, “It’s not your fault. This is my first time driving an Uber. For the past twenty-five years I’ve been driving hearses.”

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One wish

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